I recently got out of a very long-term relationship. The worst part about the breakup is that it was my fault. I was the problem. I pulled the plug. I gave up, and you know what? I.....FEEL...GREAT! Even though I lost years and I do mean years of my life I did learn from it. Now, would I say it was all worth it because of what I learned? Absolutely not! However, learning to see the good in all the bad is my new way of keeping myself dirt side down. Well, what did you learn? I'm glad you asked I would love to tell you.
Lesson one: Treat you the way you want to be treated.
As kids we are taught to treat others the way you want to be treated. SCRATCH THAT and change it to treat YOU the way you want to be treated. People have said that you teach people the way you want to be treated. I spent years putting myself second to help others. I'm a nurse for Christ's sake. I overextended myself over and over to win the "good girl" title. You know what it earned me? It earned me a whole lot of hurt feelings. I constantly treated a man with the love I wanted from him. He was over the moon with all the love and attention I was giving him. However, whenever it was my turn to be on the receiving end I came up short. My phone calls and text would go unanswered for hours meanwhile he was on my quick return list. I would include him in making plans only for him to make his plans alone. I would change my schedule to suit his off days but when I wanted more time, I would come second to the stock market. I did what I was supposed to do. I treated him as I wanted to be treated, or so I thought.
When I thought I was teaching him through my actions how to treat me, I was actually teaching him that I was not as important as he was. If I treated him like he was first, then that meant that I must like and enjoy being second. Since I put myself second, then so would he. It wasn't that I did not value myself, I simply thought if I put him first then he would also put me first (teaching him how to treat me). Then when he didn't get it, I just tried harder. Maybe I'm not showing him right. I need to work harder, and he will get it. The new me that understands men would kick old me.
New me would tell her to treat herself better. Treat yourself the way you want him to treat you. Men will model your behavior. That is how you teach a man, or anyone really. Most people when learning to speak will repeat back the words exactly as you say them. Now say, "me first." That is what you are saying to a man when you put him first. He hears, "me first." Now pretend instead of speaking with words, you act out your own love for yourself. Men will copy how you treat you. Here are some ways to show a man how to treat you:
If you want to be his priority treat yourself as priority: do not stop hobbies, hanging with friends, or having your goals just because you are with someone. You are your first priority.
If you want him to give you jewelry. You need to wear jewelry. Every time you see him you need to be wearing rings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, or whatever your favorite type of jewelry is. EVERY...TIME.
You want him to book spa days for you. Go on spa days when he has masculine events coming up that you have no interest in. He will associate you going to the spa with peace for him while the game is on. He will book it himself.
If you want him to give you attention. Spend time away pouring into yourself when he can't reach you. Do not tell him ahead of time what you are doing or how long you will be gone. Give yourself your undivided attention and he will naturally give you attention. You are teaching him your attention is valuable so he should seek it and cherish it.
You want him to give you flowers? When he comes over to your house you need to have flowers around. You need to change your flowers every time they die so they are fresh. Take the cards out so he never knows if you purchased them or if another man is sending them.
In other words, don't wait for a man to treat you right. Treat yourself right and BUY YOUR OWN DAMN FLOWERS! Even if I'm totally wrong, is it ever wrong to treat yourself well? Nope, so get some lashes too while you're at it! LOL
xoxo
-jess-