3 minutes. Life as I knew it could be different in 3 minutes and it was the longest 3 minutes of my life. I sat on the edge of the tub while I stared at the test laying on the bathroom counter. When the timer on my phone went off I could hardly move. I was frozen. I had to look. I couldn't just ignore it. Gosh I wanted to ignore it. I wanted to rewind time to that night and make him put on a condom or rewind it to before I met him period. My life had been nothing short of a circus since we met. Rip off the bandaid Jas.
Click to see the results https: https://static.wixstatic.com/media/3f6fd8_fe5ae584ba8e4d4ba0ee7fdb921b2cc1~mv2.png
The show continues. I think my heart stopped in that moment. Denial wasn't the best coping mechanism but it was what I was choosing at this moment. I went and did any other rational person would do and that was to go to the nearest store and buy more test. Test were wrong all the time. I took 5 more test all positive. I couldn't believe this was happening. All I wanted to do was to be free of this nightmare and now I very well may be stuck in it for 18 years to life. Now to tell him or not to tell him. I mean women have options these days. I didn't have to keep it. I thought about my mom. My mother would be mortified if I had an abortion. I grew up in a very religious home and abortion was murder. Miscarriage. Women have miscarriages and that wasn't murder. Who is to say that this baby will even survive. Geez, what kind of monster am I to hope that I have a miscarriage. Ugh it was all wrong, everything. The guy, the circumstances. I wasn't ready to be a single mother. I was still in school myself and finally making real money. This is supposed to be the best time of my life. I was going to travel and see the world and in 2-3 years find a nice guy to settle down with and then come the marriage and carriage. All of a sudden I had a headache and was very nauseous and I don't think it was the baby.I decided that I didn't have to decide right now. I didn't have to do anything. I was having a baby but for now this was my secret and mine alone.
The following day I went to work like normal. Work was the only thing I had to distract me from all the noise in my head. I knew I would have to tell my manager at some point. Until then I was just hoping that I wouldn't be assigned to anyone with shingles, TB, or some other transmissible disease that might otherwise turn my child into a mutant. I managed to escape this shift and was waiting for the elevator. The elevator door opened and there he was, Greg. I hadn't seen him since that night and now more than ever did I wish that I wasn't seeing him.
"Hi," he said
"Hello"
"You didn't return any of my calls or text."
"That is what you do when you don't want to talk to someone."
"Look, I understand why you are upset with me and I deserve for you to never speak to me again. I put you in a very difficult spot. I was selfish. I didn't end things with Natalia when I should have and made you into a side chick and you are certainly anything but a side chick. I really didn't want to hurt Natalia but I also didn't want to lose the opportunity to be with you. There is just something about you that is different and I had to find out what that something was. I didn't want the possibility that someone else would see how amazing you are before I got that chance. Then Natalia got pregnant and I pushed you to the side like you didn't matter and assumed that when she lost the baby that you shouldn't have been hurt by that. I wasn't fair to you or her."
The elevator door opened and I began walking towards my car as he followed behind me. I just needed to get away. I had too many emotions. He continued to talk.
"Jasmine, I'm sorry for how I treated you. I really care about you and I know that I can be so much better than I have been if you just give me an opportunity to show you."
I made it to my car and opened the door.
"I ended things with Natalia."
I paused still facing my car. I took a second to process it.
"It wasn't easy but when you wouldn't return my calls or text I knew that if I didn't end it soon you would be gone forever and if I let you get away I would always regret."
"I'm pregnant." I never turned around. I got in my car and drove off.